15 September 2007

Bureaucracy and checking boxes

OK. I know there's a reason for the process. I recognize most of what the forms codify, but if they really wanted to know where I need to grow and where I've grown and who I am and whom I'm becoming, then wouldn't they have called, or emailed, or snail-mailed, or otherwise communicated in some way over the past 12 months? So it's really hard to take this seriously.

I must fill out the form because it's a required part of the process. But there's no trust, no relationship with these people so I won't be "real" with them. After all, it goes in my permanent folder. So I check off the boxes and say enough to get through, but not enough to give a foothold to questions. And we'll meet, and they'll give me additional "once size fits no one" goals to work on for the next year, and we'll go our separate ways for another 12 months.

What is this process teaching me? Oh, yeah, How to survive in a church bureaucracy. We can save authentic nurturing community for the webring.

1 comment:

1-4 Grace said...

You got it girlfriend! Play the game and you get through "basically" unscaved.
i hated the process because oddly enough nobody ever 'checked in" with me to see what was going on.
I learend to answer the questions and never, ever put down anything that would signal them.
I would love to see this whole thing changed and allow candidates to get waht they need when they need it v/s the fear of admitting any weakness.
I would ahve benefitted from some therapy early on to deal with my lack of confidence and fear of confrontation, but was too scared to be forthcoming.
So I deal with it now that i am ordained and they can't take that away form me.
But, stay strong nad find your helpful resources in other places. The "typical" CPM is not the way to go. Too many of them view the committee as the gatekeepers.